Incision and Drainage

You thought I didn't see but
I've lived off of your sidelong glances
I've made your resentment my armor and
Your sneers my weapon of self-destruction
I've nursed from your infected tit for so long
Negativity courses through my veins like blood
Black, thick and oh so sexy
Because all I've ever been is someone else's trash
And all I was ever going to amount to
Is the sum total of the pain and abuse that fell upon your head
And that shit rolls down hill
A diarrhetic waterfall I've drowned in
For a score plus seventeen

But do you want to know the secret of pain?
The moment you stop feeling it
You can start using it
Attracting the beautifully damaged
Moths to my flame
Batting them away when they knock my dick in the dirt
Only to invite them back
Suckling with vampiric tenacity
Drinking from the fount of insanity
Developed through years of your intricate lies
Feeding from the same as a perversion of Namaskar
It's who we are and it's where we're going
And where we've been

A sign that things are going wrong
This can be your sick love song
A verse to slit your wrists by
A goodbye kiss to the pain
Sent with love from me to you
Another attempt to exsanguinate your disease
You thought I didn't see but
Your sidelong glances and resenment
Your sneers and negativity
Are a mirror for your misplaced self-righteousness
Faced with the horror of your own reflection
I drain this abscess of your infection
Until the blood flows red and clear as my introspection

I won't become the thing I hate
Burning from the inside, still so fucking cold
Strangling my throat into silence
With a caress of my skin, welling up inside
Finally free, running down my arm and from my eyes
Salty on my tongue
This bitter taste of victory
I have finally made you warm
With a heart that's become so old
I won't believe this shame
As I watch you wither, blister, and burn
Peeling back the flesh at last revealing
The monster of my nightmares

After all this time
Running from so much
And hiding just like you taught me
You have no power over me and
I won't even waste originality
"From hell's heart,
I stab at thee.
For hate's sake,
I spit my last breath at thee"
Because my verse is free
And now
Facing a reflection of my own beauty
So am I

Legacy

Here we are at last
The rest of the story
I never wanted to write
The chapters have come and gone
I needed you....
I missed you....
I don't like you....
I don't want to be you....
How many times have I said it
I.
Don't.
Want.
To.
Be.
You.
Somehow I've never escaped your hegemony
And it is true that it's your face I see when I look in the mirror
Here's the pause
Where everything stops
And I try so hard
Just to see things for one second like you
To find peace in the legacy you've left me
For the first time I finally do understand
Though it's nothing about you
But I know what it is like
To return from a war in peacetime
Wakened cold and sweaty
Beaten bruised and bloody
With no enemies left to fight
Nothing to fill the gaping hole left by your patrimony
Only now at the end
Can I fathom the truth
This absence is a kindness
Whether your absence from the thing called 'Father'
Or mine from the thing called 'Son'
And so here we are at last
The rest of the story I never wanted to write
In which our hero
Will erase borders
Engaging in diplomacy
Not out of compassion
Nor from affection
This deed is born from necessity
A need to end a war that's raged for decades
Hard fought and well won
Darkness falls when what you've given
Returns to you
And I am born anew
No more words
No more verse
No more pain and
No more nights wakened cold and sweaty
This absence is a kindness
For one cannot exist while the other lives
And I understand only what God must have felt
As I kill your first born son
To wash away the sins of the father