My Friend

Will you be my friend?
When daylight fades to darkness
And I call you beautiful in the moonlight
Will you hold my hand?

Will you be my friend?
After everything and
When Everyone has gone away
Will you be the one?

Will you be my friend?
Everlasting and steadfast
When I stand alone against my own rage
Will you sing to soothe me?

Will you be my friend?
As the sun rises over the horizon
And your eyes light up my world
Will you see my smile return?

Will you be my friend?
 A lone voice above all the others
Will you help me return to Atlas' shoulders
When the weight of the world has gone wrong again

Will you be my friend?
After everything
Will you take my heart away and leave
Me and you against the world

Me and you against the world.
My friend.

Please Don't Kill Yourself

Please don't kill yourself
The simplicity of the words shock me
And in the moment I hear them I realize that no one has never asked me not to do it.
I mean, sure, sometimes people would tell me it was dumb
or that I shouldn't be thinking that way or even giving me the laundry list of things I have to live for which proves that they don't understand what depression and suicidal ideation are like to begin with
but to say "please don't kill yourself"
Never
And in the quiet and simple request I found a pause
A single moment
Frozen in time and light as leaves fluttering on the autumn breeze
And I danced in raindrops that would never hit the ground
Moved between my own thoughts that would never reach my consciousness
I  shouted poetry so loud it echoed off of the walls of my own empty mind
Taking up the pause with the simple beauty of realizing
Everything that broke me no longer makes me who I am
And in the quiet and simple pause I found a fear
A single thought
Running through my veins like ice frozen to sharpened stakes in the cold winter wind
And I dodged them as they fell at my feet
Until I stood caged in a wintery prison of my own making
Bashing my head against fear itself never knowing
That breaking is not a reason to bleed
This juxtaposition of pause and fear
Holds a quiet dignity and beauty all its own
A majesty and poetry that I live for
And as I write the words
I know that therein lies the key to my salvation
And I dance in raindrops that would never hit the ground
And I dodged them as they fell at my feet
Everything that broke me no longer makes me who I am
Because Breaking is not a reason to bleed.
Please.
Please don't kill yourself.

A Million Reasons (Draft)

There exist about a million reasons
When taken as a whole they paint a picture so complete
It could make the Mona Lisa smile
And when they're taken apart . . .
Fractured, fractal patterns of organized chaos
All beautiful and terrifying
A kaleidoscopic melange
A yin with its yang
Shining a light in the dark that exists within the light
Drawing in as the proverbial moth to the flame
Seeming not to notice that
An angel cannot fly with burned wings
And a man cannot climb
Under the weight of a million reasons
All collected in perpetuity
A million reasons
With a million, million justifications
A million reasons
Why?
A million reasons
Who?
A million reasons
What?
A million reasons
When?
A million reasons
Where?
A million reasons
how.
It is true what's been said before
Razors pain and rivers are damp
Acids stain and drugs cause cramp
Guns aren't lawful and nooses give
It still isn't enough, just to live
The truth hasn't set anyone free
There is no ascension to any mountaintop
Because among a million reasons
With a million million justifications
The literal one in a million speaks softly

There are no beautiful suicides