I Only Cry When I'm Alone

In the morning
When the sun shines brightly and
I can see the beauty in the world
As the leaves whisper on the wind that
Everything is fine
I swallow a pill to make myself believe, so
I only cry when I'm alone

In my heart
Where love grows in transilience
I'm surrounded by the acceptance and fellowship and
I belong in this world full of devotion and care
Yet I still feel like a migrant,
Oliver Twist holding out his empty bowl, so
I only cry when I'm alone

In the evening
When the sun kisses the moon goodnight
As it sinks into the darkness to rise once more
Painting the sky with pastel luminescence so breathtaking
The Gods themselves stop to take heed and
I shiver in the cold and lonely darkness I've created, so
I only cry when I'm alone

In my mind
Where I remember every good thing I've ever missed and
I try desperately to forget every wrong turn I've ever made
Wars are fought against my heart and
Casualties are made of everything and everyone I love
Yet when the trumpets sound the ceasefire, it's too late, so
I only cry when I'm alone

In the dark of night
When your eyes can still find mine but
I can't see your face
Only the wound I've made on your heart
Bruised and bleeding
Choked in the desperation of my amity until
I wish I could only cry when I'm alone

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you lie to me and
The way you make me cry.
I hate the darkness that you bring and
How you wear it so well.
I hate the way I know no one will ever love me like you and
How hard it is to get away from you.
I hate the way I always come back and
The way the abuse feels so familiar I mistake it for the embrace of a friend.
I hate the way you cut me and
That I know I'm nothing without you.

Borderline

I used to sit down and the words poured out
The depths of my soul carried so much dark pain, beauty, love and poetry
I couldn't keep it inside.
These days,
The muse plays hide and seek
Showing its face to whisper in my ear
In that place between asleep and awake when dreams are real and life is hidden away
Today, I walk like a strung out porn star
Spilling out tried and true poetry with hat in hand for just a little coin
Exchanged for the good service of my verses
Interruptions to the process create a disjointed connection in the words
Taking me off course
Up, down and all around
Into the places I never wanted to go until
I'm here
Alone
Battered (but unbowed)
Bruised (but unbroken)
Bottled (but unbridled)
Now I sit down and the words are trapped inside
With no poetry to explain the things that are happening to me
When there are no words to convey the black and white shades in which I see the world.
I never thought a rainbow of gray would brighten my day
Yet here we are
On the Borderline
Approaching this crossroads 
And it finally becomes about choices
Do I choose to burn out?
Or do I choose to fade away?
Is it better to rule in hell?
Or is it better to serve in heaven?
What is real?
Or What is imagined?
I write like a child afraid of the dark
With just enough light to keep the monsters away
Sitting amongst all the broken mirrors
Never looking It in the face
But always scratching the itch left from healing wounds
Some self-inflicted and some received cash on delivery
When I already have IOUs instead of fucks to give
And I find myself praying for the peace of a coma
The calm of knowing I'll never let you down again
Instead I sing the words
"It's just a trip not a way to ease your pain"
Coming down to place the mask securely over this facade
I realize that the Monster's Muse is shared through the magic of alliteration
And I no longer need a mirror to see
The twisted parts inside of me
And the face only a mother could love
As she walks out the door
Promising a better life
Delivering better lies
And so here we are
On the Borderline
Drawing me closer
Ready to sell my soul
Signed, sealed and delivered
Soaked in the blood of innocents
While I pretend I'm amazing
Walking in the empty trail left by my lies
Toward the promise of a love
Secure in a sense of belong
Until that secret weak spot shows
And I'm left
On the Borderline
Standing alone while I fall
Just to feel better

My Friend

Will you be my friend?
When daylight fades to darkness
And I call you beautiful in the moonlight
Will you hold my hand?

Will you be my friend?
After everything and
When Everyone has gone away
Will you be the one?

Will you be my friend?
Everlasting and steadfast
When I stand alone against my own rage
Will you sing to soothe me?

Will you be my friend?
As the sun rises over the horizon
And your eyes light up my world
Will you see my smile return?

Will you be my friend?
 A lone voice above all the others
Will you help me return to Atlas' shoulders
When the weight of the world has gone wrong again

Will you be my friend?
After everything
Will you take my heart away and leave
Me and you against the world

Me and you against the world.
My friend.