Love Letter

You lay dreaming in a beautiful slumber
The next room may as well be half a world away
Soft snores and twitches in your eye betray
The story behind your eyes
None will ever know
And it is in this mystery that I remember you
The soft blue of your eyes that look so full of love
The shape of your mouth as you speak
Leaving me hanging by the thread of your next word
A smile that is so much like a hug I want to wrap myself up in it
I remember your love
The way you can make every day seem not so bleak.
So, here we stand
In the middle of the future we used to dream about
Nothing like we planned
Yet everything we knew would happen
And I've run out of words
Because the feelings became so huge
And I will love you.
And I will want you.
And I will feel you.
And I will feel for you.
Until you wake up
Rested and ready to live our dream

I Can't Save You

I can create anything I want and make it as reall as I want. I can tell any story; dramatic, or scary or funny as I choose to weave it. But I can't save you.

All the rage inside you ... the all consuming fire that twists us and turns us around, making us into the monstrous beasts that we ourselves don't understand.

I can understand it. I can understand you. I can see everything I've already seen and everything I want to unsee through your eyes. I can feel the chaos inside and I can hear the cocophany. but I can't silence it.

See, I made you. As completely and perfectly in my image as God made Adam. It's just that I didn't understand that the apple of my eye was original sin to poison your innocence and banish you from paradise.

The Anatomy of a Mix Tape

I cover my ears so I can drown
In the thoughts of you that are so deafening
Giving in to an even louder silence
Created by your absence
And its like I can't breathe
So consumed am I by these thoughts of you
Being with you
Kissing you
Loving you
Until I don't know who I am anymore
Then the music plays
With every song a carefully chosen communication
A message sent in a code
Only you and I will understand

The first song must absolutely grab your attention
You have to know how much I want you
Perhaps U2's Desire
To show much I need you
Maybe VAST's Touched
Because I'll never find someone like you again
Or one after the other
A sonic 1-2 punch of yearning to slap you in the face
And then something to dull this intensity
The Devlins' Love is Blindness
To float in the ether enjoying the wonderment that is you
Next a track to show my vulnerability
Because I'm safe with you
A Quiet Mind from Blue October should go here

And while we're being emotional
Concrete Blonde's I Call It Love
A musical curve ball, sort of like love itself
Now  The Subways' Oh Yeah
Because It's your eyes that make me smile
Oh yeah.
Now to start the wind down
Kingdom Come from Coldplay
Just say you'll wait for me
Debris when we revisit Blue October
And things get crazy in that good way
Another from Concrete Blonde to tell you that
(Love is a) Blind Ambition
With a finish of U2's All I Want is You

With the music gone
I can once again hear the thoughts of you
Only now it's anticipation
Written as a playlist punctuated with hearts and Cupid's arrows
Wrapped in red ribbon
Sealed with a kiss
Delivered to you as a tribute
To the night I spent lost in thoughts of you
Drowned in a sea of the idea of you
With the knowledge that as you listen
Each note will flow into you
Like I want to
Connecting us across time and space
When you spend your night lost in thoughts of me

Crossroads

North is the land of memory.
All mistakes and stupidity.
The bright fantasies of inexperienced youth.
That time when your cock leads you around by your balls
and Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll are the law of the land.
Oh what a time we had!

South is the land of responsibility.
Everyone does exactly what they're supposed to
And live revolves around tiny boxes.
Tiny boxes to live in.
Tiny boxes to stare at.
Numb and believing they exist outside their tiny boxes.

To the East is the village of family.
Watch how they hide from each other,
Even while embracing affectionately.
Where the promise of 'happily ever after' hangs in the air
Like a carrot before a mule.
Everything anyone could need; just out of reach.

Westward the sun sets,
Its bright rays stabbing the eyes
A reminder that even in beauty there is pain.
A place where living as one was meant to be
Permeates the air with the discovery of the unknown
Explored by those who understand the limitless potential of the mind

So here I stand at the crossroads
Looking back at every trodden path
I wonder how it's possible that every turn was wrong?
The answer to this question refuses to show itself
It's so busy contemplating it's own self-righteousness
That nothing else matters

Have you ever rebuilt yourself from the ground up?
Splintering the past that shaped you
Into the dagger plunged into your own chest
All the while knowing that this moment is the moment
The one you've been rushing toward your whole life
With no way to stop it?

The right words always come too late
So I learned to cry in six languages
Just to make sure that every time I opened my eyes
I could see raindrops on the window of the world
A beautiful storm.
Perfect soliloquy.

I thought I was looking for death
But it turns out I was looking for love.

C

I am the basis for your division

Without me you will never be full

I am the sum of your isolated incidents

I am semiperfect and self-descriptive

I am the explosion of your heated passion

Your blood could never boil in anger if it weren’t for me

I am the will of legislation

You are bought and sold at my hand

I’ve seen more years than nearly anyone alive
I can save your life

The individual within your group

I burn brightly as the Sun

The microcosm of your macrocosm

I escorted Christ to his condemnation

I am the tears that make the river of your Sin

I am ordinal perfection

I am Dante’s Divine Comedy

A vigilant overseer 

I am the eyes of Argus

The Verbe de Dieu

I am to be crowned as King

The creation of order from chaos

I am the achievement of all your dreams

I am the path to inner peace

The determination of your secrets

I am the discovery of the absolute and completely hidden

Supremely perfect

I am the Universal Energy

Bringing new beginnings

I am the end of the road

Symbiosis

The light from the street came in through the window
Shining on you like it was a spotlight lighting your stage
With me as your audience
And as you lay there beside me
Existence itself became clear
And the words began to rise from my chest
Will you hear me when I tell you?

If co-dependency is an addiction
Then I want to smoke it
And roll higher and higher with the mist
Floating somewhere far from here
I want to drink it
And sink into Wonderland
Down the Rabbit hole, late for an important date
I want to slam it
And suffer the needle chill
Lost in the lights of pure energy in heaven
I want it all
And I'll beg, borrow, steal
or Kill
To get what I want

But

If co-dependency is a construct
Keeping apart what we are
From what we're meant to be
Then I want to be lifted
And I want to lift; floating somewhere far from here
I want to contemplate that
Matter is energy condensed to slow vibration
And energy can't be created or destroyed
So we must be the same
Two and One against the world
Lost in the lights of pure energy in heaven
I have it all
And I'll give it all in return
In Love
Never alone again

Soul Tree

Awake again.
Alive in perpetuity,
Alone in purgatory
Chained to the hard floor.
 A shadow cast aside;
Left behind in the light.
Standing in the skin of a wolf;
Old bones collected in a haggard hide.
Still covering up your scars?
Hiding the real skin?
It bleeds beneath the spit in your eye.
Bruises on your neck,
Frantically glue together
Every rule over broken.
Desperate for the maudlin dream of yesterday,
A seedy, macarbre facsimile of what was;
Old when it was new.

Which pill will you take
To quell the voice speaking truth?
A light in the dark.

My Last, First Kiss

The moon was big in the sky
With a breeze fanning my flames
On the night of my last, first kiss.
And if I had known
I might have paid more attention
The the way the stars aligned
On the night of my last, first kiss.
But at the time
All I wanted was to feel
My heart thump the dots and dashes of an S.O.S.
As I fell head over heels
On the night of my last, first kiss

January Friend

Shall I call you,
January Friend?

Funny we should meet,
In pure imagination.

Your embrace is but a memory,
Wrapped in smooth opium silk.

It caresses me softly,
The image of yesterday's tomorrow.

Forever you will be,
January Friend.

With halo slipping,
Dancing with the dark.

A liquid waltz,
Around deceptive pillow talk.

Little lies,
To inspire a respite of dreamless sleep.

Here we'll be,
January Friend.

Alone in the stars,
Separate and together.

A perfect yin and yang,
Proud in its equilibrium.

From infinite possibility,
I'll heal without you.

Less Than Three

I can give myself to you

Body, soul and spirit

I can stand between sky and Earth

Grounding the Heavens for you to claim

I can summon Anu, Bel and Ea

Professing devotion to your beauty

Because it’s less than three

I can bring you light and heat and life

Through every atom of existence

I can protect you from mother, maiden and crone

Guiding you on the path of the warrior

I can protect you from seductions of lust, wealth and profanation

To keep your aura pure

Because it’s less than three

I can build your houses in all the realms

For you to make a home of hell, Earth and sky

I can create beauty in your name

Capturing essence in matter; the spirit of Godlike visage

I can offer laughter in grace and games for play

All to share in the joy of your being

Because it’s less than three

I can write verses

Symbolic, allegorical and esoteric

I can stand in the currents of life, sound and light

A conduit for all you desire

I can share devotion

From Druid and Poet to Soothsayer

Because it’s less than three

I can dedicate a sacrament

Thought, word and deed

I can live outside of time

Unrestrained in past, present or future

I can supplicate
Before the Creator, Preserver and Destroyer

Because it’s less than three

I can manifest reality

Length, breadth and depth

I can join magic, intuition and fertility

To bear the fruit of your invention

I can bring order

Combining power, wisdom and love

Because it’s less than three

I can capture treasures untold

Mirror, sword and jewel

I can claim armies for your rule

In the name of truth, courage and compassion

I can give myself to you

Birth, life and death

Because it’s <3

Cognitive Dissonance

The plains of the north

Sown from seed sprinkled

In dawn’s dew

Grows in the language

Of poetry

Hungarian snow

Blown across

The Western horizon

A good-bye kiss to a leaving lover

That lingers just a little too long

So I move across the sea

Humbled in my discovery

Separating from parentage the original sin

My laws are all of attraction

Staring, wide-eyed into the moon

I come alive

Giddy in the night

Flying straight through

This curtain of every color

Into Heaven’s gate

Back to my nest

Besotten of Human Condition

Sprinkled in sensitive discernment

Clear-eyes see things anew

Sight expanded by callings from beyond

The Will of Pan (Ode to Pan)

Evening mists
That creep and crawl
Must give way
To the Summer sun
Grasses drenched
In sodden dew
Will glisten in
The caustic hues of afternoon

Such is the will of Pan.

Flaming skirts
Of autumn leaves
Orange, and red, and gold
Dance upon
The zephyr of twilight
Falling silently
To sleep
Upon His domain

Such is the will of Pan.

Winter's breath
Upon my neck.
Icebound lips of blue,
They do kiss the snow
Before blowing away
Lost to the evening's
Befrosted paths
Lighting the way to the unknown

Such is the will of Pan.

The soft
Grass born of the
Frigid night
Returns to the light
The grandeur of Day
While trees bow
Gracefully in their homage
To the birth of all life.

Such is the will of Pan.

Offering

I've come here to sing your praises
To lay prostrate at your feet
The newest disciple of a dogma
Long since turned to dust.

I've come here to offer myself
Once again on the blank page
Piously offering words and verse
Ignoble is my reverence.

The words are all I have.
The words are all I am.
And I offer them to you.

I've come here basking in your beauty
To offer faith in perpetuity
Professing a love I've not felt
For what love can a mortal offer a God?

I've come here to feel again,
The sanctuary of your embrace
The solace offered by your smile
The pleasure of your penetration


The words are all I have.
The words are all I am.
And I offer them to you.

Awakened from your love
Forever changed by your touch
Cast down from Olympus
With a piece of heaven to share

Alive in your shadow

Fertility as divine copulation
Born of an ancient one's seed
What have I to give in return?

The words are all I have.
The words are all I am.
And I offer them to you.

Heartsmith

HARK!
Still yourselves and quiet your mind
For the Heartsmith is near
Nary a word will he utter
Nor will he shed a tear
Fixed is his purpose
And you're what draws him near.

BEHOLD!
Dreams of great love
Shall slay the Mare of the night
When the Heartsmith has arrived
Standing ready to forge with might
That which has been tossed away
He will repair what has made you contrite

LISTEN!
And by his lessons do abide
Gather in your hands the million little pieces
Present them to the Heartsmith, child
Then step back to hear his thesis
The Heartsmith has heard tell, I promise
And knows a broken heart shan't cause true love's decreases

SPEAK!
The unforgivable past
Leave your heart, broken, in his care
Allow that which has been unspoken
Now to be laid bare
The Heartsmith will hear your tale
He will repair your heart, and never will there be a fare

LOVE!
Grows anew
From a seedling of hope
Leave behind fear and sorrow
For 'unlovable' is naught but trope
The Heartsmith knows of no challenge
With which you can't cope

HARK!
See what the Heartsmith has brought
A breathtaking, perfect work of art
That which was torn asunder
Shall never again be apart
For by adding his own unto yours
He comes to present, your repaired and unbroken heart!

Beautiful Boy

Beautiful boy

Sleeping so soundly

What dreams do you have

In your peaceful night's slumber?

Beautiful boy

So much awaits

In the many days to come

So much life yet to live

Beautiful boy

My heart aches for you

For wounds already dealt

For hardships yet to come

Beautiful boy

Sleeping so soundly

I promise my best

And I hope you'll understand

Beautiful Boy

I'm always here

Even when we're apart

I'll always be with you

Beautiful Boy

So innocent and free

I hope you know

You're loved beyond measure

Beautiful Boy

I hope you know

Beautiful boy

I hope you know

Life is But a Dream (Draft)

I can feel my heart thudding in my chest
I don't know if it's the drugs or the passion;
Either way it burns in my chest and pulses in my ears like bass at a rave
Sitting here now, with full intent to write it all down, get it all out,
Exploding in familiar loquacious ejaculation making the mind
As spent as the body
Sitting here now, the words won't come because the cum already came
So I write uncensored and unfettered
Far above your mortgage
and your car
and your bank
and your politics
and your chemicals
and your your war
and your death
Floating on a stream of consciousness

Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily
Life is but a dream

Yesterday is a Memory (1st Draft)

Thought can't stop
The world's constant turning
And I'm caught in a storm
Battered by winds of uncounted suffering
Swept away through rivers of flowing tears
I'm lost in the current
Drowning in my sorrows
Regretful of a life wasted away to nothing

Until it came, a soft breeze to dry my tears
To calm the choppy waters and brings peace to my soul
Whispering to me
Yesterday is a memory

A dream to be awoken from
Pulling the teeth from the monsters of the night
Shattering the dark into light
Brighter than the day

I can open my eyes to see
The stars have come out
Bringing beauty to the heavens
I can feel your arms around me
And the soft breeze; your breath
Whispering the softly spoken spell
Today is to come
Yesterday is a memory

I know peace
Through your love
And I am whole again
I know passion
Through your kiss
And I feel flames again
With thought aimed toward tomorrow
Yesterday is a memory

What I Am

I tried so hard
Not to be you
Not to lose myself in your legacy
Yet here I sit
Branded "Monster" by some
Flawed to others

So it seems
No matter how hard I try
The sins of the father
Shall be visited
Upon the Son

With no concept of words like
"Fair" or "Deserving" or "Deliverance"
I'm continually bombarded with reminders
That I came to beBecause of you

All the reasons I can't be you
And more importantly
All the reasons I am
I've run so far to escape you
 I've denied the fundamental aspects of myself

Denying the truth of who I am,
What I want and how to love
Simply because
I never wanted to live like you
To be like you

Like a poor marksman,
I missed the target
And I see you
Everytime I look in the mirror
Its your eyes I see

When my heart aches
With the loss I live with
Consequential to my own choices
I think,this is what you must have felt
Deep Down and never Said

Until I remember
That such a thought
Such compassion
Such empathy
Its beyond you

And suddenly I can breathe
I am not you
I am flawed
I am imperfect
Maybe even a monster

But I'm alive
In the knowledge of who I am
How I came to be here
And I can say it
Definitively and finally

I am not you.
I am not the sum of your wrongs
Or even my own
I can say goodbye
and live.

What's in a Look

What's in a look?
Because I'd really like to understand
Why your eyes stab me in the heart
With a longing that can only be described as poetic

And your half-smile . . .
Thinning your (oh so kissable) lips
Conveying desire that my lips might touch your own
With a silent acquiesence why this cannot be

Your beautiful eyes
Touch me with sorrow
Deep and timeless as a black hole
Reaching across space and time
Allowing you to touch me in spite of physical limitations

In that look I know love
But no ordinary love can be seen so completely
In only a look
This must be the love of kings

A love that cannot be kept
No  matter how deeply shared
Its needs must with and surely die
Should it not remain free to grow

What's in a look?
All this and more
As I watch you walk away.